Brahmacaris and Grihastas

Bhaktividya Purna Swami Maharaja:

We have to understand Brahmacarya and Grhastha asramas in the context of the spiritual or Daiva Varnasrama as chalked out by the Vaisnava spiritual masters. Opposed to daiva varnasrama is aasura varnasrama. This is demoniac because it does not take us to Lord Krishna. Rather it takes us to the path of sense enjoyment. It is called pravrtti-maarga or smaarta. Daiva Varnasrama is nivrtti-maarga. In Daiva Varnasrama, all members have the common goal of making spiritual advancement and detaching ourselves from the illusory forms of maya and to attain spiritual realization. It is based on attaching ourselves to Krsna and getting detachment from Maya.

It is very important for the Brahmacaris and Grhasthas to understand the principles of each others asrama. Both have to develop proper respect towards and harmony with each other's asramas.

The process of Vedic education has the following 4 steps of learning:

1. Hearing (or sravana)
2. Understanding (or manana or jnana)
3. Realization (or upalabdhi or vijnana)
4. Teaching based on realization or siksa

The difference between understanding and realization is that in the stage of realization ones activities have changed because they are based on his realization and they are from one who simply has understood theoretically the Vedic teachings and who hasn't changed his behavior despite his theoretical understanding.

Now the Brahmacaris are trained to hear (sravana) and to understand (jnaana). Since the goal of daiva varnasrama is to develop spiritual realization, it is essential that one develops a taste for Krsna consciousness and a distaste towards illusion. Thus the brahmacaris are trained in this way.

There are two levels of brahmacarya and two kinds of brahmacarya.
The two kinds of brahmacaris are called the naisthika brahmacari and the upakurvaana brahmacari.

They are in the first level of brahmacarya. The naisthika brahmacari has heard about Krsna and maya; he has understood about Krsna and maya; and he has developed realization about Krsna and maya. Therefore he has a taste for KC and distaste for maya.

The upakurvaana brahmacari has heard about Krsna and maya; he has also understood about Krsna and maya from the hearing; but he hasn't developed realization of Krsna and maya. Due to previous mental habits and conditioning, he still thinks that there is some substantial pleasure in a woman's association. Still, because he has understood the Veda, he practices KC seriously and in an appropriate time and manner he will take up grhastha asrama. Therefore he prepares to enter into KC household life.

Both the naisthika and upakurvaana are in the first level of brahmacarya because both of them have understood that pure KC is worthwhile and pursuit of pleasure in maya is not but the upakurvaana's mental conditioning from the past doesn't fully convince him of that and prevents him from developing realization. Still, because they have understood from the Veda, they are considered first class.

The naisthika brahmacari hears that association with the opposite sex is like a deep dark well. [At this point in class, Giri Govardhan das, a Grhastha devotee, laughs loudly. Maharaja says, "See, this is called realization. We are talking and the brahmacaris are listening. They are not saying anything but he has the realization that the household asrama is a blind well and is laughing. This is realization."]
Anyway, but because the naisthika brahmacari is so strong in KC and is endowed with humility, immense service attitude and tolerance, he realizes that association with the opposite gender is not really worthwhile simply by hearing seriously. He is simple. During [Annual Gaura Purnima] Festival time, when he is asked to leave the first floor of the brahmacari asrama [for the visiting devotees], he does it without grudges. And when the [Ganges] flood comes, he goes to the Chakra Building. No problem. He is not extremely about the taste of the prasada. He is simple.
But an upakurvaana get married. Why? He does it so that he can realize that maya is painful and that only pure KC is bliss. The goal of the upakurvaana is thus the same as that of a naisthika: to realize Krsna and develop detachment from maya. And for that he goes through the grhastha asrama and then vanaprastha asrama and comes to this realization. Actually this is the goal of the entire daiva varnasrama: to become detached from maya and attached to Krsna.

Now I shall tell about the Second Level of Brahmacarya. This is the Second Class brahmacari. He thinks that brahmacari means a piece of orange cloth. Even though he is in the Orange Club, he still is after pleasures of the material world. Either he stays in the brahmacari asrama and tries to enjoy the facilities there (he is very choosy about the T-shirt that he wears or the sun glasses or about the prasadam unnecessarily) or he gets attracted to a girl and marries her seriously thinking that he will be fully happy being in a lady's association. He is just bewildered due to maya. He has heard the Veda (sravana) but he has not understood it (manana or jnana).

Now one thing we should understand is that the upakurvaana has understood that maya is painful but not realized it whereas the Second Class Orange Club Member has not understood it (what to speak of realizing it

Now let us see what happens when a Second Class brahmacari gets married and compare it with what happens when a First Class Upakurvaana brahmacari gets married.
Our Second Class brahmacari gets attracted to the girl and falls into the deep dark well. But he imagines that there are nice fragrant lakes with blue water lilies and parks and entertainment in the deep dark well. When he hits the rockbed, thud! "What happened? I married a beautiful sweet girl but who is this in front of me?" he questions after a few years. "Why is there so much problem in life?" Then he may come to another great conclusion. "Actually there is absolutely no problem in me. The problem is in the girl whom I married. Better let me get another one. Then things will be smoother." And so he gets another, and another. [Maharaja says: I have seen this. I am not exaggerating.] And this Grhastha life is called Second Class Grhastha life.

The upakurvaana, on the other hand, doesn't get up from bed one fine morning, go to the bathroom and while brushing his teeth, tell his reflection, "You have to get married, you know!" No. He knows that he is going to enter a deep dark well. Therefore he also prepares for it realistically in such a way that he can keep KC as his first essential priority and maintenance of house, wife and children as his secondary but very important priority. This is because he has already heard from the teachings of the acaryas that these are called gauna-bhakti or secondary supportive practices in devotional service, to take care of his Vaisnavi wife, etc. But the primary practices take prominence. He knows that the problem is his mind, his wife's mind and so on. He knows that pure devotional service to Krsna is the only solution. He understand that there is no real security in his household or, for that matter, anywhere in the material existence. And both the husband and wife focus on service to Krsna, devotee association, hearing the SB, etc., which are called mukhya-bhakti.
Thus they gradually develop realization that only pure KC is worthwhile and that maya is painful. This is a First Class Grhastha.

Now the girls also can be categorized into First Class and Second Class. A First Class girl likes to get married to someone who was a First Class brahmacari (upakurvaana). She knows that he is trying to advance in spiritual life. She assists him as a dharma-patni (religious wife) in both his primary bhakti and secondary bhakti. And she hears (sravana), she develops understanding (manana) and she also realizes (upalabdhi). [Here Maharaja cites an experience he had in Eastern Europe, "Once I was talking to a Brahmacari who was thinking of getting married. There was also a grhastha couple sitting while this brahmacari was talking to me. After some time, she said, "I shall talk to him about this." And she talked the brahmacari out of marriage. This is because she has the realization."] So women also develop realization if they follow the proper procedure.

The Second Class girl, on the other hand, is more interested in saris and lip sticks [later, after the class, Maharaja added "She also melts the brahmacaris with her attire while she walks by them"]. She is not really into spiritual realization and developing material detachment. She has heard (sravana) but no understanding (manana). Now something very interesting happens when a Second Class girl and a Second Class brahmacari marry: she mashes him up like a mashed potato sabji.

So the First Class Grhastha and his First Class wife, after 20 years of living together come to the natural conclusion that the whole endeavor of pursuing pleasure in the material realm is just worthless. They realize that the only times when they were really happy was when they were relating on the devotional platform. Therefore they realize that there is substantial pleasure only in devotional service and not in the illusion of maya. They then take up Vanaprastha and later on the man takes up sannyasa.

This brings us to the fourth stage of education which is to teach others for their benefit based on realization and that is sannyasa. The naisthika brahmacari naturally comes to this stage and the upakurvaana also after passing through the Grhastha asrama.

In Vedic culture realization and not the asrama is considered foremost. So compared to the millions of lifetimes of being in material existence, 25 years of going through the grhastha asrama to understand the nature of devotional service and maya side by side is worthwhile for the upakurvaana.

The brahmacaris should not be attached simply to the orange cloth and grit their teeth thinking "No marriage! No marriage!" and consider that the goal of their brahmacarya is merely to avoid getting married. This is not KC. This is thinking of what the other brahmacaris or grhasthas will think about them when they get married. This is our Second Class Brahmacari attitude.

The issue for the brahmacaris is not just whether the brahmacari is to marry or not; the issue is whether they can be come up to the stage of realization (upalabdhi) via brahmacarya itself or through a responsible Vaisnava grhastha life. That is what has to be considered.

The First Class Upakurvana Brahmacari doesn't mind getting married to a First Class girl who will help him understand that this dark well is totally useless and that he should focus his mind on the Lord.

So everyone (the brahmacaris, the grhasthas, the women) has to come to the First Class platform. They should not remain in the Second Class platform. Then they will be able to make tangible advancement in spiritual realization and become detached from maya. Otherwise the much talked about "social development" in ISKCON is impossible if it is not conducted on the platform of detachment and spiritual realization.

The Second Class Brahmacaris and Second Class Grhasthas fight with each other. The former tell the latter, "You are all in maya". The latter respond, "C'mon. We know. You are *also* in maya. Just be honest and get married." ... and so on.
First Class Grhasthas have respect towards naisthika and upakurvaana brahmacaris. Indeed, if that respect towards the renounced ashrams is not there, then how is it possible for them to leave the grhastha asrama and take up vanaprastha? How will they approach something they don't have respect for?
No one should criticize another but everyone should be helped. Everyone needs help. And help means to assist in upgrading from Second Class to First Class. In that way, everyone can attain to the lotus feet of Krsna.