5.Canto:
In the forest of material enjoyment there are comparisons made
- The merchant is beset by thieves and plunderers - he is attacked by jackals and tigers
- Thieves and plunderers are uncontrollable senses because one works very hard but the uncontrolled senses steal everything away: I want this and that
- Tigers and jackals are the wife and children who are also crying we want this, we want that
Children
- Children are trouble
- Materially inclined living entity wants to enjoy sex – but the consequence of sex is pregnancy
- What they try to avoid: contraceptives, abortion or even kill (Airport locker in Japan)
- One is trying to avoid the trouble but the trouble comes: Either you kill, abort child, take contraceptives or
- You have the child: That’s also troublesome
Children are troublesome
- May not be able to have children – then you are distressed ex. Mah Anga
- When child is girl then you have much responsibility but she has no earning capability – it some countries they therefore test whether girl then they abort
- Child may die, be sick or crippled
- May have twins or triples
- So many expenditures – In USA to bring a child up to majority costs 280.000$ (to raise a karmi child)
- Child may not become Krsna-conscious – Mah Anga’s son became a rascal – Prabhupada’s son or a pure devotee’s son was not a devotee
- 4 enemies in householder life according to Canakya Pandit:
- a) If father dies in debts because other family members must pay the debts
- b) If mother gets remarried because son is considered representative of father
- c) If wife is too beautiful because you remain attached
- d) If son is not Krsna-conscious but a fool or rascal
- -> Another danger: your enemy may take birth in your family
In householder life one seeks householder life for enjoyment but some of these troubles are bound to be there – either in greater or lesser proportions
Householder life may be worth the trouble: If we can maintain a nice family and make the child Krsna-conscious then it is counted as devotional service – all trouble, difficulties you went through but when raising a Krsna-conscious child then it becomes glorious – but it may just be frustration
Ladies-asrama
- Prabhupada thought about it and sanctioned it in one case
- But it is another kind of troublesome situation
- Few ladies may not be properly protected
- Prabhupada: Ladies have a tendency to pick up fights with each other
- Other kinds of difficulties
In general: If woman is protected by a husband that’s an ideal arrangement
- Prabhupada tried that but was not very satisfied with the results
Prabhupada: Devotional service is counted when child becomes a devotee
On other side: Krsna says we should be detached from results – if I try to bring up a child Krsna-conscious then that’s all I could do – not the result but the endeavour is the success in KC
Everything to the right time
- In youth tendency for association with opposite sex is very strong – so there is a Vedic arrangement for that
- If getting into your older life why getting back to that
- Vedic arrangement is there so there is a certain time for everything
- There are different stages of one’s life and according to the time in your life what may be appropriate when you are young may not be appropriate when you are old
- There is a time for everything
- Leaving family life when 20 and then getting married again when 30
- In general, an older person should be thinking to get free from family life
Why getting married if you don’t want any children?
SB 3.30.3-9 Instructions of Lord Kapila meant for Grhamedis – Non-devotee householders
- Powerful purports about householder life:
- 3.30.7 The family we maintain is created by mäyä; it is the perverted reflection of the family in Kåñëaloka
- 3.30.8 Womanly love is just to agitate the mind of man. Actually, in the material world there is no love. Both the woman and the man are interested in their sense gratification
- 3.30.9 In Bhagavad-gétä the Personality of Godhead Himself certifies the material world as an impermanent place that is full of miseries. There is no question of happiness in this material world, either individually or in terms of family, society or country. If something is going on in the name of happiness, that is also illusion. Here in this material world, happiness means successful counteraction to the effects of distress.
SB 3.31.34-42
- 3.31.42 In these instructions of Lord Kapiladeva it is explained that not only is woman the gateway to hell for man, but man is also the gateway to hell for woman. It is a question of attachment. A man becomes attached to a woman because of her service, her beauty and many other assets, and similarly a woman becomes attached to a man for his giving her a nice place to live, ornaments, dress and children. It is a question of attachment for one another. As long as either is attached to the other for such material enjoyment, the woman is dangerous for the man, and the man is also dangerous for the woman. But if the attachment is transferred to Kåñëa, both of them become Kåñëa conscious, and then marriage is very nice.
Only solution within householder life is to transfer the attachment to Krsna – otherwise it is a dangerous business
Dealings of Non-devotee householders
- If husband is accepting service from the wife for his sense gratification which she is offering for her sense gratification that it is gateway to hell
Dealings of devotee householders
- In KC one has to perform one’s duties
- Husband is duty-bound to accept certain services from the wife and is duty-bound to reciprocate that service spiritually
Both women and men are suffering
- To have a woman’s mind and body means suffering
- To have a man’s body and mind means suffering
Women are more in trouble
- Practically everywhere we find that woman are dissatisfied: they are being exploited, downtrodden, left out of leadership …
- One way or other they are in trouble
- If not married they are unhappy, if married they are unhappy
- From Vedic culture we understand that due to impious activities one takes the body of a woman – therefore due to impious activities it Is expected that there is more suffering
- Like a sudra has to suffer more than a brahmana: has to work harder, face more misery … than expected for a brahmana due to his past sinful activities
- One takes birth in a jewish family to get persecuted: if have karma to get persecuted …
- Similarly if one has performed sinful activity by which one is destined to suffer in certain ways one takes the body of a woman: Woman has no independence and is dependent on other people, who may not be there or may not be very good
BG 9.32 Still KC means whatever bad deal you got: born as woman, man, American … it’s all bad – but you live with it and make the best use of whatever bad bargain you got, serve Krsna and go back home to Godhead
Ultimately what’s the difference?
- From a relative point of view the woman is suffering more than a man
- But, from another point of view: What’s the difference? The world is such a mess of suffering that if you suffer 0.3% more …
- It’s like dry and wet stool
- It is all mental concoction: This is good or bad – It is all Maya
- Whatever deal you got it is all bad
- Any material situation is bad
- Anyone, he or she, who identifies with the body is a fool – sa eva go-kharah
- Lower birth (BG 9.32 women, sudra … ) means more trouble
In Kali-yuga everybody is a mess
- Men and women are not so qualified
- Men are not very manly and women are not very womanly
- Men are not very dutiful and women are not very shy
Following Vedic social system reduces miseries as far as possible
- However, people are climbing over the fence: getting divorced, remarried to get happy - but because you are disregarding dharma or the Vedic system of duty you make your life more complicated and invite more trouble
- If we are trying to be happy from householder life we are inviting distress
- If we are performing prescribed duties in householder life then we are going on the path back to Godhead
Prabhupada: There is no happiness in householder life (looking for happiness in the wrong place)
- Happiness is only with Krsna
- Some happiness may be there as result of performing one’s prescribed duties
- But I have to perform the duties without considering happiness and distress (Either side: I want to be happy and look for another wife … - I don’t like my wife, I’ll give her up…) – it is a question of duty
Prabhupada: In our society there should be no re-marriage
- People are doing it not because Prabhupada recommended, not because the acaryas have said that it is the best way to advance in KC - but they are doing it because they think they are going to be happy that way
Consciousness determines happiness
- Perform duties, please Krsna and spiritual master: Will be unlimitedly happy
- I make certain adjustments in the way I am living so that I can be happy – guaranteed you will be frustrated
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