Attachment in household life – Prahlada’s instructions
Canto 7.6.8-14
- 7.6.9pp While in the material world we manufacture so many duties in the name of so many isms, but our actual duty is to free ourselves from the cycle of birth, death, old age and disease. For this purpose, one must first be liberated from material bondage, and especially from household life. Household life is actually a kind of license for a materially attached person by which to enjoy sense gratification under regulative principles. Otherwise there is no need of entering household life
- In this way he [the brahmacari] learns how to control his senses and sacrifice everything for the guru. When he is fully trained, if he likes he is allowed to marry. Thus he is not an ordinary gåhastha who has learned only how to satisfy his senses. A trained gåhastha can gradually give up household life and go to the forest to become increasingly enlightened in spiritual life and at last take sannyasa
Greatest danger in household life:
- Attachment to the opposite sex is very strong and is the cause of material existence
- Attachments of Sannyasi is much easier to break
Attachment is so strong
- Prabhupada: One of his god brothers was given Sannyasa – during the Sannyasa ceremony the wife came and dragged him off
- Bhaktisiddhanta was crying I could not save this person
- Sometimes a Sannyasi goes back to his wife
- There is no other source of entanglement that causes deeper attachment than women
For a successful householder brahmacari training is necessary
- brahmacari training: brahmacari is acting for satisfaction of guru and dependent on Krsna and Krsna’s representative
- As grhastha the same principle applies: he is only working for guru and Krsna – is dependent on Krsna – becomes a sober grhastha due to brahmacari training
- One is trained not to be attached to one’s wife but trained to be faithful to one’s duty
- Marriage is a vow (like initiation vows: 4 regs, 16 rounds): Man vows to take care for a woman for her whole life – woman vows to serve a husband for a whole life
- In Vedic culture making a vow means one Is under obligation
- If you don’t like it – good that shows detached – still you have to do your duty
- Ex. Prabhupada asked his father to marry a 2nd woman because he didn’t like his wife, didn’t find her very attractive – his father: It is Krsna’s blessing that you do not have a attractive wife because in this way you see Krsna as more attractive
- Advantage: If you don’t like your wife you are fortunate
- One of the enemies: your beautiful wife
One should not be too much attached to one’s wife – one should be detached as much as possible - one should be dutiful
- Certain attachment will be there that’s natural in household life
Vedic culture arranges marriages
- It wasn’t according to the taste of sense gratification but it was according to the superior judgement of the parents
- Prabhupada: Psychology: When one is married by such an arrangement he accepts whatever he gets – like when you are hungry someone gives you food, whatever it is you take it – whatever kind of nonsense you get you accept because you are hungry
- Similarly whatever nonsense husband or wife you get you accept it
- Naturally you will like it like when you are hungry and get some food naturally you think it is very nice
- Boy wants a girl, girl wants a boy – parents arranged it and with that arrangement they were happy yes I got a partner
Child is an extension of the body
- ‘My own flesh and blood’ - it is practically another you
- Mother thinks she lives on in the form of her descendents
- That attachment by nature’s way is very strong
- I love him – Who can take better care than me?
- Still Vedic tradition is that the child was sent to the gurukula for training in brahmacari
Materialistic parents – why send child to gurukula?
- What happens to me? My material life is finished
- There will be no happiness of grand-children
- Child will not come back to live with us and support us in old age
- Won’t have happiness of household life – he’ll miss out
- Forces of maya are very strong
- Must withstand the attacks by the illusory energy
Ladies in KC
- If ladies dedicate themselves to preaching and serving Krsna can do that as brahmacarinis
- Otherwise woman is trained to get married, a nice wife: how to cook, clean, be chaste and faithful to husband, serve the deities, also preach (can speak, distribute books … Prabhupada: sometimes even better than the men)
(<-> Brahmacari is trained for independence)
- If they somehow or other don’t get husband then all the skills can be used for Krsna – and they get the best husband
- Rukmini: What’s the use of a husband who is just a bag of mucus, bile and air with eyebrows, moustache and some hair on his head
- She got the SPOG as her husband
- Laksmi: Women in illusion are praying to me for a husband but what are they going to get? Someone who can’t protect them, can’t protect their children, their home – better accept Krsna as the husband
Duty of husband
- To see daughter to be married in puberty/young age
- Prabhupada married his wife when she was 11 years old
- When one of Prabhupada’s daughter was 15 his wife was so much agitated
Householder life means duties
- Training up the girl in chastity and competence
- Find suitable boy
- Spend for marriage
- Then father concerned about boy’s family
- If child is daughter that means so many responsibilities
- If child is son you send him to gurukula – very easy business
- Girls are not sent to gurukula but trained by family: mother, grandmother, relatives …
Unless you can save the person under your charge from the clutches of birth and death don’t become a father, mother, guru, teacher …
- One has a great responsibility to bring the people back to Godhead
Why should I accept so much trouble just for some sex life?
- Let me just focus on this one business: Going back to Godhead
- The other business I have already been through so many lifetimes as cat, dog, pigeon … In all different species of life I had the opportunity for sex enjoyment, I had a wife, children, home – I have done that – If I spend one life without these things to go back to Godhead, what’s the loss?
Any responsibility you take involves trouble
- But this householder life is particularly troublesome
- One is advised to avoid
- If you do then undergo this trouble for Krsna
Attachment
- In household life one is attached to opposite sex on the basis of the body – one has to continue repeated birth and death (one is forced to come back due to attachment)
- Guru disciple relationship doesn’t have that and therefore doesn’t bind one to material existence (guru may voluntarily come back to save the disciple)
Must be dutiful
- For a Krsna-conscious person: Love is for Krsna, duty is toward husband and child (naturally as human being you feel some affection for them)
- Essential thing: This is my duty to please Krsna
- Because sometimes it may not be very pleasing:
- If he doesn’t treat me with affection, doesn’t support, not serious about KC – this person is so nice if I were just married to him – I may like it or not it is my duty – I may feel love or not - it is my duty towards my husband
Romantic idea of family life based on love
- Illusory idea that family life is based on love
- Everyone is looking around for love
- They are trying to get love in their family
- If they don’t get love in their family then they break it and try to get love in another family
- All is based on love, love, love which nobody gets
- Therefore everyone is frustrated, disappointed, let down, what did I wrong, or it is his fault – because original expectation is wrong to find love in this MW
- There is no love on this MW
- Love means love Krsna
- Everything else is cheating arrangement: When a man says to his girl-friend: I love you so much – really what he is saying is:
- If you gratify my senses I gratify your senses
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