Essential difficulty of materialistic household life
¬- SB 7.9.45 ‘Sex life is compared to the rubbing of two hands to relieve an itch. Gåhamedhis, so-called gåhasthas who have no spiritual knowledge, think that this itching is the greatest platform of happiness, although actually it is a source of distress. The kåpaëas, the fools who are just the opposite of brähmaëas, are not satisfied by repeated sensuous enjoyment. Those who are dhéra, however, who are sober and who tolerate this itching, are not subjected to the sufferings of fools and rascals’
- yan maithunädi-gåhamedhi-sukhaà: Happiness of materialistic householders is beginning from sex life
- From sex pleasure all other pleasures of materialistic family life expand: home, children,
- Even skyscrapers: Increasingly absorbing themselves in mode of passion and impelled by that mode of passion with sex life as essential point they building things, expanding their empires just for that one thing, sex life
- Hi tuccham—insignificant: Sex life is sensual happiness: A few minutes of happiness, in every species of life it is there, even mosquito do it, it is crucial for them, high point of his existence, how important is a mosquito’s sex life?
- kaëòüyanena karayor iva: it is like scratching an itch
- Someone has an itching sensation and he scratches it, the result of scratching is it itches more, and then he scratches more, itches more … simply scratching the itch, but the itch doesn’t go away
- duùkha-duùkham: consequence of sex life is unhappiness
- Because it is insignificant: everyone is disappointed
- Latin proverb: ‘All animals are sad after sex’ - so much endeavour, male elephants are fighting over female elephants …
- bahu-duùkha-bhäjaù
- After so much trouble comes:
- Either because it is illicit sex and there is abortion, contraception
- There is attachment:
- There is hatred also in the relationship
- Keep girl-friend, wife happy and knowing that …
- tåpyanti neha they are not satisfied
- I scratch and then it is still itching
- I am drinking but still I am thirsty
- I went through all this trouble but still my sexual desires are not fulfilled
- Kåpaëäù my valuable human life I am wasting like a miser
- Kaëòütivan manasijaà the whole thing is just a mental concoction
- The whole idea that:
- This is going to make me happy
- This is enjoyment
- This is love
- My wife is beautiful and my husband is handsome
- He or she loves
- The whole paradise is a mental concoction
- We think we are going to be so happy, expectation that we are going to be so happy is a kind of a intoxication, but once getting married everything is so dull
- It is disappointing because it is a mental concoction
- Sooner or later one sees what’s really there: It is not attractive, not enjoyable – still on is trying to enjoy and one pushes the mind to get some concocted enjoyment but one is not enjoying
- By mental concoction make some fantastic image of enjoyment (clubs) but it is just some mental concoction
- viñaheta dhéraù Therefore one should become sober and tolerate it
- Sober person means: Rather going to all that trouble to scratch that itch, to agitate the mind and try to satisfy that agitated mind
- Better to be sober and tolerate: Some itching is there – it wasn’t there before, later on it won’t be there – BG 2.14 It comes, it goes – let me tolerate (that’s brahmacari training) – now some desire is very powerful - some mental concoction has taken over the mind – let me not be agitated by it, it is a mental concoction
- In brahmacari and grhastha asrama one has to tolerate it
- If one expands the mental concoctions then one becomes a grhamedhi: trying to fulfil so many, many desires, one becomes disappointed and loses one’s KC
- One has to learn the art of toleration
- Therefore brahmacari training is there because he learns how to tolerate so that he becomes a self-controlled grhastha
- Self-controlled grhastha: tolerates so many desires that may arise
- Engages himself in service of Krsna and then desires practically evaporate
- The more one engages in the service of Krsna the more these things come under control or are swept away by the superior force of the spiritual energy, spiritual pleasure - so much so that Yamanuacarya says that when I think of sex life I just want to spit (by superior taste of devotional service)
- KC means to become dhira: sober and self-controlled
Prabhupada: Sex life is like the Delhi-ladhu
- The famous celebrated ladhus of Delhi
- You haven’t had or don’t have one, then you want one – in anxiety to get it
- Those you have gotten it they are also suffering because it is so rich
- Those who don’t have and those who have it are lamenting
- Those who are aspiring for sex enjoyment and those who are getting sex enjoyment are also suffering
- Those who are trying to control their senses – still there are some desires there so they are suffering – that suffering is minimized because they are becoming dhira – all right let me tolerate
A sober person loses attraction
- If left-over sexual thought or impulse comes he thinks this is so nasty
- BG 2.70 The ocean is still and maintains its level even though so many rivers are running into it – similarly a person who is sober he is also feeling some desires, but he controls them – understands some thoughts and desires come because I have this body, but it is non-sense so he is not disturbed – therefore he is peaceful
One becomes peaceful by tolerance
- Like on ekadasi, one has decided to fast
- Because you have decided even if during the day some thoughts come to you: I wonder what we will have for lunch today or you are walking the hallway seeing the nice preparations, but you have already decided – so you are not going to agitate your mind about it: Al right today I am not eating – mind is peaceful
- Otherwise if you haven’t decided, you think shall I, shall I not?
- But once decided today I am not going to eat, food doesn’t matter and you are peaceful
- Some desires come up but a KC-person tolerates them – he promised to the spiritual master not to do these things
Guidance of spiritual master is required
- Someone will make more progress in grhastha asrama because he is not peacefully able to execute his duties in brahmacari asrama so he is recommended by the spiritual master to get married
- Spiritual master gives individual prescription for individual patient – either prescribes brahmacari or grhastha asrama
Whole purpose is to reduce sex life and increase KC
- Some reduce sex life effectively through Brahmacari asrama
- Some reduce it through grhastha asrama
- Guru has to see which is more suitable
(23:53)
Chaitanya Mahaprabhu: Even when I see the wooden form of a woman my mind is agitated
- By nature’s arrangement the form of woman is so made as to agitate the mind of man
- Beautiful or not, doesn’t matter, but the agitation is there
- But a KC-person, situated on spiritual platform is not attracted, he is busy
- Like you are eating a Sunday feast and someone comes with some leftover dog biscuits – you are not getting agitated about because you have some better thing
- Similarly the more one advances the more that sex pleasure seems ridiculous or nasty
- Prabhupada: Actual advancement is that I can go into a room full with women and not be agitated
- This is the advanced stage of KC: One is so much absorbed in the beauty of KC that the so-called beauty of this material body appears nasty
- After all, what is it: Some skin, bones, blood, gats … all put together appear to be something nice – it does appear to be something nice by nature’s arrangement for a brief time and then it is not nice to anybody
- In her youth every woman looks beautiful but that only lasts for a little while and then it is over (old age)
- KC-person knows that: It is beautiful today but it is not going to be beautiful tomorrow – so how is it beautiful?
- Krsna is beautiful today, tomorrow, in 1000 years – he is beautiful always, that is beautiful
- Beautiful today and ghastly tomorrow – that’s not beauty, that’s illusion
- Beauty means permanently beautiful
- Not temporarily beautiful – like a bubble
- Bubble has no permanent meaning – it is finished
- The fruit of a water – it appears to be nice but you can’t hold on to it – therefore it is useless – it is just apparent
- A person not in knowledge or an animal thinks: wow all these nice fruits in the water
- But a person in knowledge knows that it looks good but it is not there – if I am going after it I am just getting wet, drowned, frustrated
- KC-person knows: She is beautiful but only for a few moments and then finished
- Pastime: One devotee on very early days was on roof of 26 2nd Avenue and said: Od Swamiji let’s see the beautiful sunset – Prabhupada: As long as you are attracted to the beauty of this MW you will never be able to go back to Godhead
- That’s one of the dangers: One becomes infatuated and thinks: My wife is so beautiful – one becomes enraptures – by sex combination the attachment becomes very strong, and whoever they are one thinks: so handsome or beautiful, and one forgets about spiritual life
- Real vision: what a living entity in MW: combination of matter and spirit
- Self-realized soul distinguishes between body and spirit soul
- Soul constitutionally is very nice: A servant of Krsna
- Body is not very nice
Self-realized soul sees:
- Soul has value
- Body has value as well, when engaged in Krsna’s service
- KC-conscious person sees a nice woman and thinks this person can be engaged in Krsna’s service (Materialist thinks that this person can be engaged in my service)
- Everything has value (even body) when engaged in Krsna’s service
- We are taking care of the body, we are interested in seeing that the body is nicely seen to (keeping body and soul together as Prabhupada said) for serving Krsna
In cultured civilization freely mixing is not there
- They know they are spirit soul
- They know that the combination of these two bodies kills spiritual realization
- Women are not hated – but we know what’s what
- Every woman is respected as mother
Mother is not meant for enjoyment
- No question in any civilized society to enjoy one’s own mother – that’s abominable
- Mother is respected – not meant for my enjoyment
- She is somebody else’s wife – she is to be respected
- ‘Where the women are worshipped there the demigods enjoy’
Women are respected and not exploited
- Basic focal point of exploitation is sex enjoyment
- The final pinnacle of exploitation is sexual intercourse: Let me enjoy this woman
- That’s the materialistic civilization somehow or other, by some arrangement, by candy, by liquor … to win over a woman and make her an object of enjoyment
- Point: This woman is meant for satisfying my senses – sense satisfaction culminates in sex life
- When you cut out that sexual contact then how much exploitation will there be?
- From one point of view: We are very heavy in ISKOCN we make them stand in the back during the arati or kirtan – the same woman in the material world in the same course of a year would be used by 50 men – that’s not exploitation, that’s love
Whole materialistic civilization is set up for that kind of cheating
- Women are simple
- When they are set free they can be victimized
- Otherwise in Vedic civilization her father, husband, grown son is there – no access
- But in materialistic civilization: free access
- Woman is so bewildered: She thinks this is very nice, I have free choice, I have so much opportunity for enjoyment, everyone is attracted to me
- But no one wants to accept any responsibility
- When you are pregnant they tell you to abort it
- When married for some years tell you that you are not beautiful any more and they look for some new cookie and throw you away – saw only as object of sense enjoyment and now find something else
- KC: Men and women are engaged in Krsna’s service – where is the exploitation
We have to learn how to be cultured
- No disagreement on philosophy: It is there in the books very clear: Who is who, what’s what
- But one has to be cultured
- Practical application of the philosophy in ordinary dealings is culture (how to treat people)
Business of brahmacari is to ignore matajis
- Because Brahmacaris have no business with women
- It is the husband’s duty to give a certain amount of time to see that she is cared for nicely, engaged in service nicely, happy …
Women in India have an independent society
- One thinks that in India women are oppressed and downtrodden
- But in India they have an independent society
- In the West it is always relative: Women have to orient themselves as to what will catch a man, engage a man, get him into like them, do something for them …
- In India women are not relative to the men – they have their own society
- Practically speaking all day long women are with other women
- In America all the men and women are together in an office
- In Vedic civilization: men are out working in some place – women are doing their business together, having their own society – brought together when appropriate
- Previously, house was divided into 2 sections: outside and inside section: outside section made did his business, received guests … - inside section women were there, hey were separate
- In offices where men and women are together it is like a pressure cooker
- Their minds are so disturbed – no one can be peaceful like this
- Peaceful mind means separation of men and women as far as possible
Prabhupada: Man is good, woman is good, but man and woman together is not good – that is my philosophy
(47:42)
Politeness
- In Western culture: Young woman and young man pass each other in the hall: he and she say ‘Good morning’ – everyone knows what’s going on – his and her mind are going – that’s polite – little smile and go through a few more body language
- In Vedic culture: Man and woman are passing and they make way for each other – that’s politeness –
- Generally women are trained to be very shy: man is coming by and the woman stands to the side and becomes a little inconspicuous, and the man passes by –
- That way she maintains her chastity: there is no interaction, somebody is going after somebody, making time with somebody – therefore she becomes very respectable – doesn’t mean she is shrinking into the shadows, insignificant – it means that she is so high-class that you can’t mix with her
- Like a high-class woman you can’t really get close to her, little unapproachable, if aristocratic then she is distant from ordinary men– with a low-class woman anyone can get mix with
- They are so respectable: Prabhupada says about his mother: She wouldn’t accept even an invitation from the neighbour except if she would be carried on a palanquin by four men and covered, nobody could see –
- Even the son couldn’t see her – that’s high-class
- Still to this day: Women are covering their faces when men are passing by – they are shy
- In Vedic culture shyness is considered to be cultured and a sign of respectability
- Such a woman no respectable man would approach
- Prabhupada: Some men were standing by a doorway – a sweeper woman was there (low-class) but she had to go through that doorway so she was standing there apart – three aristocratic gentlemen and the woman was standing on the side so they could understand that she wants to go through so they all had to move – by her behaviour they had to move – that’s Vedic culture: shyness
If deity worship is focus of attention that makes family life transcendental
Training in culture
- Real thing means to be trained from child
- Real culture means how you are trained from child
- Problem: Women and men are not properly trained – therefore all uncultured
- If we have any difficulties in our movement so many difficulties come from this point that we are uncultured
- We may know the philosophy but we are not cultured
- Men and women don’t know how to act: Men don’t know how to act for other men, women don’t know how to act for other women, men and women don’t know how to act with one another – superiors don’t know how to act towards inferiors, inferiors don’t know how to act toward superiors – this is culture
- Young boy is respectful to his superiors – he is cultured
- Young man wouldn’t put forward his opinion in the presence of his older brother (considered as superior)
- Now: son says to his parents: get lost!
Cultured women
- Shy
- Not wanting to have friendly talks
- Reserved
- Always engaged in Krsna’s service
Cultured men
- Self-controlled
- Know how to be polite
- Men and women are passing each other – they have no business with each other and therefore just pass – that is politeness – doesn’t mean I hate your gats, you hate my gats – but you are not my wife, somebody else’s wife - therefore no business – we stay pure in that way – everybody engaged in the service of Krsna
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